The same song and dance

It was a night out, same place with some old and new faces. One guy caught my eye ; he was new. I was trying to catch his eye because he caught my eye. I start the conservation, but I can tell he's not interested. My pride is telling me he's shy and hasn't had enough to drink yet so I try harder. I'm also encouraged by
my friend's boyfriend to pursue because he also says that this guy is shy. After another attempt I accept that he is not interested. I continue dancing with my friends until the balls of my feet ache the next day but when my head hits the pillow I don't immediately go to sleep, instead I'm asking myself 'Why do I instinctively go after guys who aren't interested in me?'

It may be an unconscious thing that I'm doing. The story I told has happened too often to me that I have to say I might unconsciously be doing it. Humans are a creature of habit, right? And this is a habit of mine. 

And deep down, I know why I do it but I just don't want to say it. I do it, because it keeps me safe. Yes, it does hurt my feelings and ego when the guy is not interested and I'll have to lick my wounds a bit but this prevents me from developing further feelings if things go further. 

If I go after guy, guy reciprocates, things go further and I develop more feelings then there is a possibility that things go south, and then I'll be badly burned. Going after guys who aren't interested prevents this all from happening.


Do you see my logic?

I always seem to not be interested in the guys that show interest me and I can come up with about 50 reasons why the minute they talk to me. They're either too pushy, too soft, too shy, too confident blah blah blah. The list goes on. 

I had a guy friend told me that I was being too picky. If there was some truth to that then what's wrong with being picky about the person you want to be in a relationship with? You can't just expect me to jump into a relationship with a guy just because he seems okay and doesn't spark a fire in me. By fire I don't mean like sexual chemistry or lust - although that is, to a point, important at least for me - but a sense admiration for the person that they are. I think it's important to find someone that will inspire you to be the best you that you can be.
  

And I think another reason I go after uninterested guys is because it's a challenge. A challenge that I wanna win but trust me the moment they show interest back, I'll start walking the other way. This too has happened countless times.

I'd like to think that I wouldn't do this when the guy I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. That when I meet him, wherever and whenever that may be, I'd have that feeling that this is right, he's right. I'll want to throw caution to the wind and just be with him.


Fingers crossed I'll meet him soon ey? ;P


Till the next post!